21 June 2025
What Up Doe
Man, do I have lots to share with you!!!!
I won't dismiss the hype that I'm experiencing at present.
Definitely an emotion that I enjoy, although I rarely feel it. But, I didn't allow myself to enjoy it before, either.
That is it right there!!
I can get in my way, although I'm better than before,
However, it's time to stop!
I didn't start this to have fear paralyze me and let it think it's gaining a stronghold!!
I'll let you in on a secret...
I wasn't obedient to God's will before.
I had to do it, "My Way!" (Usher, circa 1997)
We all know that person (if it's not ourselves).
And I am mine!
I made it as if it were everyone else's issue, though.
I didn't see the importance in owning and taking accountability for my mistakes, however well-intended.
Today, I decided to stop giving energy to the wall blocking the way to my goals.
Just like most times, it was me.
I expect (and addressed) it, by accepting,
I embraced it, because troubles (or whichever word you use to describe hard times) come to each of us.
I say 'trouble' because David said,
' Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me.' Psalm 138:7 ESV https://www.bible.com/bible/59/PSA.138.7
'Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. ' Psalms 23:4 NLT https://www.bible.com/bible/116/PSA.23.4
Finally, I am exceeding it, continuing on as if evil didn't just get bitch-slapped from lack of response.
NOW!!
This is NOT bragging!
Actually, it means accountability!
The last time I did this, 13 May 2018, I chose living a better life for me and my children.
Today, alongside sobriety, I continue my journey I started eighteen months ago!
I went to a Super Saturday my company had in our region this morning
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!
I missed our company's International Convention a few months back, for reasons unimportant. However, in missing the Convention, I missed an event that wasn't scripted.
I enjoy the affordability the internet and progress has provided; but let's not forget how it is to connect in person. It's something indescribable, unless you know.
IYKYK, right?
Shrugs
So, for today's Super Saturday, the guest was behind the unscripted event I missed.
Once I knew this, I committed to go.
Then, I committed to follow through and actually attend.
(You see, that is where the wall [yours truly] comes into play.)
NO MORE
To end a very lengthy story, that I will bring more details to light in the near future,
(and slight segue, it relates, I promise.)
Scandal is back on Netflix!!!!
Whenever I watch a series and take a break, I restart the series.
If your eyebrow is quirked right now, just wait;
I do it when I am reading a series, too.
SO!
Scandal S1:E1 "Sweet Baby"
The reason behind my obsession (Columbus Short & Kerry Washington - it's chronological - don't put emphasis into the order; if you've seen the show, you see his character first, hear her name, second, and if the previous didn't hook you, the fierceness that Olivia Pope embodies is third.) - I give you Harrison's (Short's character) "Gladiators, in suits," speech!
Olivia already told me to hire you. The job is yours, if you want it. The best job you'll ever have. You'll change lives, slay dragons, love the hunt more than you ever dreamed because Olivia Pope is as amazing as they say. And, uh I'm not a baby lawyer. I'm a gladiator in a suit, 'cause that's what you are when you work for Olivia. You're a gladiator in a suit. Do you want to be a gladiator in a suit?
Coincidence, maybe, if I believed in 'em; I don't.
It does reinforce the decision I made today.
Passion
Drive
Focus
I mentioned I am seven years sober.
How that came to be?
Passion
Drive
Focus
To refer to my new bestie (my kiddo I get to take care of Full-Time now,
PRAISE GOD!!!
And a recent earworm from a favorite show of his,
You can do hard things!!
If that is something taught to us from the beginning, why am I avoiding it now?
It's time!
I'm grateful.
I am sharing this journey with you because it may help you.
Why??
Because a passion of mine (and Kerry Washington's - love her - character) solving problems by providing solutions.
Stay tuned,
Stay blessed 💕
Shanti Marie
4 June 2025
Have I shared what I do yet?
Okay, not what I do; but the job I have now.
I'm a private duty nurse.
I wake up, get dressed, and go hang out with the most beautiful, 2-year-old!
I have the BEST job EVER!!!!
However, my wonderful little kiddo... oh man, he has been on one since I returned from vacation. His mom told me this morning that he's been waking up mad at the world, lately. We laughed, acquainting it to his being male as I said, "Well, what are you gonna do?" (Did I mention, I love my job? I do!!)
You se, here is where I love the fact that I am 41 years old, empty nest syndrome, and a happily card-carrying member of The Freedom Club - All women reach at one point in their lives. Mine just happened to come at 27 years old.
(SHRUGS)
But I digress.
I was texting with a business partner/sister friend about this as she let me know we could meet after her putting her kids to bed. Whenever we have late night virtual meetings like this, it's following her doing just that.
But tonight, I added something else:
That's fine. I'll be here. Relaxing. Kiddo was on one these past 2 days. Got 1 more day to go. At least I'm perfectly happy not being a new mom again. F*** that!!! I will watch 'em all day long. As long as I get to leave at the end of the day LOL.
I'm special, right!!!
It's cool, I'm blissfully happy where my life is presently. No one and nothing is perfect! I have my faults, shortcomings, trials, and stormy season like the next person.
I know something else:
Having gone through enough storms and made it to the other side to know,
"Everything happens for a reason"
And though I may not like it or know what to do, I know with every fiber of me that God will never bring me to something He won't see me through.
22 years ago, I had the first adult storm that changed my life. My son is the best change that happened to my world; after a short time, my daughter joined her brother in the best change to my world.
Becoming a mother and embodying that role saved my life! I don't know if my kids truly know the lifesavers they are! God blessed me with them. I thank Him every day for them.
You see, I learned something important for me to adapt to all that happened over those years:
No matter the size, to heal, I took something good from EVERY bad part of my life.
It took a while to get through the EVERY, and I'm sure there's something out there that may need to be resolved in the future.
However, today:
I am grateful for every moment in life.
I am present in today - because it is a gift.
I am a miracle because I shouldn't be alive; for that I AM BLESSED!!!
Silver linings,
Rainbows,
There's always a story, I am here to listen. Every story should be heard!
We are not alone in this world.
Stay Blessed💕
Shanti Marie
23 May 2025 (edited and published - Original date 2022)
Today's DOVE Dark Chocolate wrapper:
Honor your dreams and they will honor you
Self-Love is the Key
My god-sister has a podcast, and a particular episode was “What’s Your Love Language?” As I listened, she tailored it in a way I hadn’t heard before.
She stated, "What is your love language for you?" and "How can you show yourself love?"
I love this concept!
What better way to start loving me?
How can I use this to love myself? However, “words of affirmation”, I am horrible at this. I tear myself down, saying I’m ugly, stupid, etc., and hardly ever say good things about myself.
So this is the language I decided to tackle first! However, over the last few years, I've added two more: (Primary; * - 3 languages discussed)
**Words of Affirmation ***
Receiving gifts*
Quality Time*
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
Words of Affirmation:
Mary J. Blige came out with a song I have adopted as my latest mantra.
Good Morning, Gorgeous.
This song explains to me and anyone who uses words to tear themselves down instead of building themselves up. She states she looks in the mirror and says, Good morning, Gorgeous.
This is very simple, but don’t knock the simplicity.
I start singing, Good morning, Gorgeous, close my eyes, and exhale. It’s a calming feeling for me; it’s the best way to put myself in a better frame of mind.
Quality Time:
5 April 5, 2023:
A couple of weeks ago, I started writing again. Every time I write, I spend time with my mind. Words that have gone around and around in my head, never taking a break until they finally come out.
I spend time with myself: journaling, writing poetry, or just putting pen to paper, fingers flying over the keypad on my laptop. It’s been a coping skill of mine. Also, I have regular massage and nail appointments. This is a double blessing: Yes, the obvious, it “beautifies” my outer appearance. However, the main reason, it’s my time for me. A massage helps me relax and let whatever the universe has thrown at me disappear, if only for a moment. When I relax, I stand taller, ready to take the world by storm!
Receiving Gifts:
On Halloween 2022, ****I got myself an engagement present...
I bought myself a car!!!! (see below)
(I can't wait to show you the video I made with it. However, this site doesn't allow me to upload videos. <-- Stay tuned for updates!!)
My Black Beauty (named Ebony)
I love her!!! (Still do even though she's being needy as of late LOL)
It’s not that I haven’t bought a car before, but she is mine!
Baby (2008 Veracruz) was my first, and she stood by me for the 8 years I had her. However, as Ebony is the newest addition, Baby protects MY BabyGurl.
I always dreamt, but never thought we'd have a second car my kids could drive!
Things in life that were so impossible, but it was improbable! Yet, to even my most cynical self, I surprised myself. I did it! With God's help. Because truly, God did it! I stayed obedient, and He blessed me!!
Because of this, I am certain that everything I imagine I can achieve if it's in His will. He desires to give me the desires of my heart. (Ps 37:4)
I can do everything I set my eyes on because He gives me strength! (Phil 4:13)
Stay Blessed <3
Shanti Marie
May 9th
Sitting on the stairs down to the basement at the parents' house, I'm overwhelmed by memories.
You see, my parents are moving.
They moved to this house when I was 19 and pregnant with my son. I remember sitting in the old house, doing the same thing I'm doing now. Except, at that time, I imagined what the next 20 years would be like raising my kids. Today, I'm sitting in the same spot my kids did during a tornado (longer story to come). I remember talking to my mom on the phone and envisioned my kids as she's giving me updates. The last 20 plus years have been amazing. Though, at the time, there were never ending storms surrounding my life, I see who I've become because of what I went through.
2025 has been the least stressful even though storms did plague the sky for a season. Gaining perspective has enriched my life more than I thought. Gratitude used to be a trigger button. All in all, it was my mindset and thought process that started my change. It wasnt as if I was a negative person; I was impatient. I remember being upset when my husband told me friends of ours got a house. We were living in a great apartment for our small family. What's the problem? My ex not one for patience, either, agreed. How messed up is that!?! It's negative! Perspective and gratitude showed I was around the wrong people and places. I am 4 days from 7 years of sobriety; I had to accept change. I had to acknowledge it's not possible for ME to do this on my own. God blessed my life with an amazing group of people! It started when I admitted I practiced insanity and was failing at it. Not right away, but in time, I became teachable. I listened more than spoke (for those of you who may not know me... I can talk, but if I am talking, am I hearing what others are saying? I learned why I felt the need to talk and God helps me hold my tongue when I may slip. My guardian angel still face palms when I slip.
Hey, I'm a work in progress!
However, for a season, I more was a work in stationary, I said it, but didn't walk it. I lost my way for a time. Content in how my life was progressing and comfortable. Was I truly content? No, and I had given up on my dreams.
Then one day, it started coming back. Today, I am here because I was ready to fulfill ALL my dreams! It was time.
That brings us back to me sitting on my parents stairs, reminiscing. I don't look back hard or long, so that's done!
Now is today and the tomorrows of my life. I'm truly blessed to have a relationship with my adult kids :shaking my head: and finally with my mom! Not the knock down drag out of the last all of my life.
Just jokes.
Moms and daughters have their season, ours just lasted a little longer.
I'm free in who I am! I am confident in myself as a person which wasnt always the case. I love myself and I have love in my life. None of which I could say the last time I was in this position.
For me, changing my mindset, thought process, and environment aided my personal development. However, it wasnt in that alone, my circle was redefined as I had the chance to meet and get to know many leaders in their fields and communities. Reinventing my mission and passion in life, I live to inspire others, to help those unable to help themselves or in need of assistance, to share my story because I am here because someone shared theirs with me.
Have you ever listened to someone speaking as if they are in your head? Those are my people! Because that proves that I'm not alone! My thoughts aren't brand new, there may be someone dealing with similar situation of similar feeling of helplessness, overwhelmed, not appreciated abused, neglected, etc. You are not alone! We can get through life! We can do it together.
Stay Blessed <3
April 16th
One of the wonderful...
(Is that the correct word??? Who cares!)
... advantages to having vertigo for a diagnosis,
(Thank you, Mother Nature!)
Medical Excuse!!!
It is a wonderful thing, at times.
I don't have to like it.
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is the will of God for you who belong in Christ Jesus.
I am thankful!
I am blessed!
Stay Blessed💕
Shanti Marie
April 2nd
Ever have one of those days? Starts out well, then, pain forms in the back of my head near my neck... hours later, I'm in bed, not exactly horizontal due to dizziness.
It's been almost 7 years of sobriety! Each day, I'm grateful, for this. (However, days like today, when it feels like a bad hangover, I'm especially grateful.)
For the last 2 hours, I've prayed for healing, I fell asleep and woke with enough energy to shower. Then, back to bed.
However, the song I woke to playing repeat in my mind helped, Because of Who You Are, but it wasn't the full song, just 4 words. Ever know a song from memory, but only remember a few for some reason:
Jehovah Jireh, my Provider
I don't believe in coincidences. All I sang was those 4 words. Later, I remembered the rest, it's a beautiful song! However, for a moment, the reminder was needed,
Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. Jehovah Nissi, Lord, you reign in victory. Jehovah Shalom, my Prince of Peace. And I'll worship you because of who you are.
Because of who you are, I give you glory. Because of who you are I give you praise. Because of who you are, I will life my voice and say, Lord I worship you because of who you are. Lord I worship you because of who you are.
Good night,
Stay blessed 💕
March 21st
It's amazing how tiredness comes easily while vertigo is visiting. 😄 I could've also forgotten to take meds last night 🤷🏽♀️.
For goodness' sake, I took a nap, and I'm tired still!
Oh well, early night for me sounds good!
How was your Friday?
March 19th
Ever have 2 days in 1? I got up this morning knowing it would be colder the later it got. I spent time watching the front come in. Although there was a slight chill in the air, I was comfortable outside. As I sat, the wind picked up. The front had arrived, bringing with it change in the barometric pressure.
I decided to lay down, wifey was off from her 2nd job, and enjoying a well-deserved morning to sleep in. My head started to bother and I fell asleep hoping to wake up without a headache. Unfortunately, my nap was more like Rip Van Winkle's, I woke up and didn't realize what time it was. Once awoke, I took my time regaining balance - I'd rather go to sleep already dizzy than to wake up dizzy - it was dark, cloudy, windy as sleet hits the windows. I crawled next to my wifey on the couch and prayed for my equilibrium to return.
March 15th
In times when vertigo (or a migraine) hits, I've learned to give myself grace. Before, it was go, go, go. I'd fall into bed exhausted and bad shape.
God has shown me grace and asks me to do that for myself! I cannot succeed if I'm not at my best. However, I must stay steadfast in Him and in my journey. Allowing for grace, not excuses.
Trying to describe it to someone, I said it felt like a glitch. It's not painful, but sensory awareness is intense. I wonder if my eyes crosses during this time 🤔 sure feels like it.
~Shanti Marie
Here You Have A Voice ⬇️
