Inspiration: Exhausted by H.E.R.

There are times when I let myself dwell on the past - the mistakes I made, the consequences I had to endure because of those mistakes. Each has its own chapter in, “The Life of ME.”

When I do this, I try to keep perspective. However, there are times when perspective isn't within my grasp. I think about how my life would be different if I didn’t turn right at that fork in the road, or if I allowed myself to jump instead of hesitating.

When this happens, I get exhausted with myself.

How did I let myself do this again? I went through what I went through because it was meant for me to. I don’t believe in coincidences. I made the choice I made, at the time, because where I was then I had a reason. At this time in my life, I know I am who I am because of everything I went through. I cannot allow myself to go to this place often because I will dive into the “self-pity” and down in darkness. I’m exhausted from that mindset. I spent too much energy on things I cannot change.

You be on all that nonsense

How I’m surprised when it’s always a process?

I’m way too used to it, happens too often

It’s so exhausting

I’m so exhausted

H.E.R.’s song, Exhausted, rings true when it comes to the hatred I had with myself.

First verse:

If I give you this shot, you better take it

I’m way, way, way, way past being jaded

And all of y’all just way too opinionated

I’m just saying when do I get to say?

And tell me why, why this is okay?

You supposed to by playing on my team.

Oh, who’s gonna be responsible for me?

When I ain’t?

~Shanti Marie